Spooky Wolf Forest

With the plot on the run, Hop and I took off towards the Spooky Forest. I was mostly happy to get to start training up Cheeto. He learned a move called Branch Poke and eventually also Razor Leaf. Mine has a Quiet Nature (which has boosted Special Attack), but Grookey seems to be heavily favoring physical moves and stats, so my first guess is that this wonderful monkey is gonna get eal jacked up real fast as he evolves.

I battled the squirrel Pokémon that PokeTips Mike had predicted would be in this game based on the trailers. It is an adorably chubby-cheeked Pokémon named Skwovet. I also battled a cool looking borb that was named Rookidee. I want one.

As we trekked deeper into the fog, we were set upon by a red and blue wolf Pokémon. It was remarkably similar to the Pokémon on the box for the game. I could not communicate this through the fourth wall to my player character though, so he set upon battling it. None of Grookey’s moves had any effect on it and it kept making the fog thicken...
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I am really liking the Pokémon designs in this game. There don’t seem to be any that Ihave found that seem half-assed (*cough* Pansear/pour/sage, Cryogonal *cough*) like all of Gen 5 was (fight me). Later on, I would encounter Blipbug, Chewtle, and Nickit and I really like how they are just complicated enough. There are no wasted details and the colour and shapes match what one might expect to see from nature. There are just enough extraneous or alien details in order to keep he creature fantastical-looking. The only Pokémon whose design I really dislike is Yamper, but I know that I am in the minority there. Plus, even though I dislike its design, I think that it is effective and simple and smart.

I am very happy that I have been able to keep myself completely spoiler free on this game. I hope that I can continue to remain unspoiled in the weeks to come. I don’t want to rush through this game and we know that YouTube in general is out to get me and expose all the Pokémon to me in the worst, most clickable thumbnails. Wish. Me. Luck.

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With the spooky forest subplot at its dead-end for the time being, my character was ushered off to meet the professor of the moment, Magnolia. I also met her assistant Sophie who apparently has some history with Leon. Whether this is just history or sexy history is yet to be seen, but I mean look at him it’s definitely sexy history.

I caught Kit-Kat the Nickit, then Kit Kat the Nickit, then Kat Kit the Nickit because I kept finding stronger or better versions of them as I explored. I may just lean in and make this an all Dark types team because between the three Nickit and the Purrloin and Galar Zigzagoon that I found, I’m really deep in the dark already. I caught a Chewtle as a water type (I love its silly overbite), caught a Blipbug and evolved it already into the Bug/Psychic type Dottler, and then Skwovet.

Beat Up: the most ruthless move in Pokémon.

I also caught a Rookidee (Chirpy), which is a PURE FLYING TYPE (mind fucking blown). This is only the third Pokémon in existence to have this typing, the other two being the legendaries  Arceus and Tornadus. I am wondering if all starter birds are also retroactively being classified as pure flying. I wonder if Swellow is now just a Pure Flying type...

One other thing I have noticed is that the exp share is always on. I wonder if this will become bothersome as time goes by...

Pokédex: 14
Current Squad:

Grookey/Cheeto
lvl 13
Nickit/Kat-Kit
lvl 11
Chewtle/Snorkle
lvl 10
Rookidee/Chirpy
lvl 11
Dottler/Bleppo
lvl 11
Zigzagoon/Trash
lvl 10

The Saddest Kahuna

Immediately after defeating Guzma (and washing my panties from Primarina's evolution), I was approached by the saddest police officer in the world.  I was sure that I had met him previously (after all, who could forget such a loathsome "slouch-elemental"), but I couldn't remember from where.  He introduced himself as Nanu, the police officer of Po Town.  Obviously, he's not that great at his job.  I can see why he acts so jaded and demoralized given how out of sorts the neighborhood is, but honestly he was even more of a buzzkill that the existential awakening that I had received by my trip to Po Town.

Wait, that's not true, he didn't introduce himself.  Acerola actually popped up out of the godamn ether to say some bullshit like "oh, if it isn't Nanu, my uncle, and the police officer of Po Town".

Please.

So I followed Acerola and apparently Acerola's uncle back to the Aether Outpost we had started from, but when we got there, Lillie was missing.  Via flashback, it was revealed that Plumeria had stormed the facility and kidnapped Lillie and her pokemon Cosmog without any resistance.  

I mean, Hau was there, but he's a useless piece of garbage.  He even admitted that he was too scared to intervene and that Lillie had resultantly decided to just go with them.  Do I have to do everything?

Gladion popped his angry little head in and attacked me in his rage...well, he attacked my pokemon...with his own pokemon...basically he battled me.

This time, he carried Type: Null, Golbat, and Sneasel: the perfect lineup for an angry kid.  The fact that two of those evolve due to friendship miiiiight be meaningful to the plot, but who cares, pokemon!!!

Gladion apologized for attacking and told us that we had to follow them and save Lillie (young love, so adorable).  Apparently, they would have taken her, not to Po Town, but to the Aether Paradise.

DUN DUN DUN!!

I mean, I guess that if all the foreshadowing hadn't given it away, all the vague maniacal laughter would have eventually.  It's not usually the good guys who threateningly smirk and promise to "bring all into their love".

As I made my way to the docks, Nanu approached me, said he was the Kahuna, and said that it was time to battle or whatever.

hahaha okay...?!

Battle Team G-3: The Ones I Had With Me at the Time

Vs. Kahuna Nanu, apparently

The battle itself was actually quite difficult.  I'm glad that he had set upon me so suddenly, because I may not have been able to win with only four pokemon.

Well, maybe I wouldn't go that far...

He led with Sableye.  Sableye is a Ghost/Dark type pokemon and I had already taken a Ghost trial, so I knew that a Dark Trial must be the theme for my third Grand Trial.  Then again, Nanu was just the kind of lazy Kahuna that miiiight say "screw it" and use whatever he had with him at the time.

I was able to damage his Sableye, but I have a history with Sableye and I know how bulky they can be.  This particular Sableye was no exception and it was able to wear down my Electabuzz.  Sable switched out for Krokorock (thank god you aren't Krookodile).  Yeah, dark type.

I predicted his ground move (earthquake) and switched in Trumbeak to avoid it.  It ended up mattering little because Krokorock punished my pokemon with Swagger and then Crunch.

It was Primarina's turn and I decided to take the opportunity to ensure a KO.  Krokorock went first, but Pako Pako is tough enough to survive anything (once) and retaliated with Z-Oceanic Operetta.

Primarina fell to Sableye (that Fakeout and its priority) and so did Sassy Sally.  Ultimately it fell to Sylveon to sweep the rest of his team, which included a Persian whose damage was completely neutralized by Sailor Star Fighter's fairy-type healing move "Draining Kiss".

2-0 Victory!

Let's all go to Ula'Ula Island!

"Has anyone been noticing that President Lusamine has been acting a little weirdly these days? ...no? ...Just me? ...okay." -Aether Foundation worker, probably

So I guess we're going to just ignore that strangely poignant diabolical laugh?  And the suspicious explosion that lead to the reality-warping supercreature that just entered our timeline too?

Okay, onward to Ula'Ula Island!
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Our wonderful hosts at the Aether Foundation whodefinitelyarethegoodguysmaybe sent us off with gifts: food for Hau and the TM Psychic for me.  Please make up your own jokes for this instance, I've been concentrating on setting myself up for a "Let's all go to Ula'Ula Island" gag later on in this blog post.

When we landed in Malie City, a town that takes a lot of its architectural cues from the Johto region, Hau healed my pokemon and challenged me to battle.  Since our last match, he has evolved his Pikachu into a nifty Alola Raichu and his Eevee into a Leafeon.  His Torracat...well that just stayed as a Torracat.  Raichu was tough, but the rest of his pokemon were outclassed by my trademarked strategy of "Toxic-Protect-Repeat".  I'm forever in fear of the day when I will have to battle someone straight up.

From there, I had a meeting with Professor Kukui in the rest area of the Koi Gardens and a meeting with Lillie in the library.  Kukui told me where to go to get to my electric trial so that I may continue my island challenge.  Lillie was looking for a book about legendary pokemon.  I guess that means that the mission concerning the art on the game's box is going to start to unfold.

While there, we met another side character (there are a lot in this game--between all the Aether workers, the Team Skull members, the captains, and kahunas, Kukui and Scientist Woman, the Kalos kids; it's a lot to keep track of.  This person helped us find the book that Lillie needed and then said that she's a princess and that the book was her dad's.

The story in the book was standard fare for a pokemon game.  As a matter of fact, there is always some sort of macguffin like this in the series.  In Diamond and Pearl, it was a statue inscription "blah blah blah poetry, blah blah blah, a pokemon that can control space/time."  In Black and White it was the legend "blah blah blah poetry, blah blah blah, two pokemon that stand for ideals and will."  In X and Y, it was the Geosenge tale told by the Professor Sycamore "blah blah blah poetry, blah blah blah, a pokemon that looks like an X/Y."  In this game, it was "blah blah blah poetry, blah blah blah, a pokemon that represents the moon."

Glad to see them breaking new ground in the narrative department.

My trial was south, so naturally I went north.  There I found a waste disposal and recycling plant as well as a side quest concerning the manager of the plant and his lackadaisical son.  My involvement in the plot was to defeat his Muk and his son's Grimer, but the resolution of the series of events was that the son was finally deemed worthy of taking over management of the plant.

So heartwarming.

But I guess that heartwarming is the name of the game here on this island: Let's all go to Ula'Ula Island!

Fucking. Nailed it.

/Dabs/

Current Squad:

Brionne/Pako Pako/lvl 26
Crabrawler/Ppunches/lvl 25
Salandit/Sassy Sally/lvl 25
Oricorio/Ori-chan/lvl 25
Steenee/Bouncee/lvl 25
Sylveon/Star Fighter/lvl 24

On Rotation:
Mareanie/Meanie/lvl 24
Trumbeak/Pip Pip/lvl 27
Misdreavus/Missy/lvl 24
Grimer/Sludj/lvl 25

Pokedex: 112 caught

Vs. ???

Ultra Beasts are supposed to be etherial pokemon from another dimension that find their way in our reality either through accident or deliberate invasion.  No one is exactly sure of what their motivation is, but the guardian deities seem to view them as a threat.

Hau took aside President Lusamine and told me to hold off the "vagina elemental from the other side".  A tall order, but one I was ready for: I've dealt with my fair share of vaginas in my day.

As if it were a totem pokemon, ??? started the match by boosting its defenses with an aura flare.  I sent in Trumbeak and tested it out with the flying move Pluck.  Pluck scored a weak hit and dealt little damage.

Ultra-beasts are supposed to be incomprehensible.  Normally, I would posit that the pokemon is some sort of Rock, Steel, or Electric type because of the ineffectiveness of "flying", but I couldn't be sure of this.  Do Ultra-beasts even follow the same rules as pokemon of this reality?  Is there even such a thing as Steel or Iron in their dimension?  Does the periodic table exist there as it does here? Lusamine mentioned that the pokemon looked as if it were in pain to even exist, however briefly, in this reality.

I had nothing to go on, but when ??? used Venoshock on my Trumbeak (scoring an easy knockout against my lead), I had to start making assumptions about the thing.  It might not be a true "Steel", "Rock", "Electric", or "Poison" type, but it knew poison moves and it resisted "pluck".  I went on the assumption that it was some sort of Steel/Poison, or alternatively put: it behaved in such a way that I should attack it with poison and fire.

Even if it would normally be immune to poisoning, Sassy Sally's ability is Corrosion.  Corrosion allows it to poison any pokemon, regardless of its immunities.  Sassy Sally's move "Smog" wasn't very effective, but it did succeed in poisoning my opponent before eventually being taken out by another Venoshock.

??? had an ability called "Beast Boost".  The ability raised its special defense each time it defeated one of my pokemon.  Attacking it directly was no longer an option.  I was being massacred, but at this point, I knew that I could win.  Meanie and Sludj both know Protect: I could just stall my opponent to death.

It must have sensed that its victory was no longer tenable, so ??? fled from battle at this point, vanishing in a flash and twist of bending and flexing space.


...and Lusamine was licking her lips with joy.

Totally the Good Guys, Definitelymaybe

Kahuna Olivia met me on the doorstep of the sanctum of her god Tapu Lele, the guardian deity of Akala Island.  It would be her rock types against my team of specially chosen rock-destroyers in the company of nature and the supreme ruler of the island.

Battle Team: Bulky Offensive

Vs. Kahuna Olivia

Of the battle itself, there is little to mention:  Ppunches' "Powerup Punches" made short work of her rocky team.

I suppose that I have learned two things: 1) just because the setting of a match is epic, it doesn't mean the battle will follow suit.  And 2) rock types suck suck suck suck suck suck suuuuuuck.

I received Rockium-Z and my Akala Island certification and Olivia sent me on my way.  There is a lot of weird sexualizing of Olivia specifically in this game--from her battle intro to the way she describes her fighting style.  This sort of thing wouldn't normally stick out for me in a game except for the fact that this is a Pokemon game and has a different sort of audience from, say, Tekken.
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I met a chap from the Aether foundation named Fab.  This fellow took Hau and I to the manmade floating island known as Aether Paradise.  This is apparently the main hub of the Aether Foundation--designed to give a safe haven to pokemon who are on the verge of endangerment.  He mentioned a facility there to take care of pokemon attacked by Team Skull and then he talked about a Pokeball design project in the lower levels.  He also mentioned, in a rather offhand way, that they were currently sending out a jamming signal so that our poke balls would not function on the island.

That line sort of stuck out to me.  It was quite the tour and it should have been a more positive sort of tour, but the dread started to sink in as soon as I noticed that this was the exact same facility as that shown at the start.  This means that this game has either already shown its hand and that the Aether Foundation is going to turn out to be the bad guys, or that Lillie, the office supply bandit, will.

At this point, we met the President of the Aether Foundation: Lusamine.  Lusamine sounds like the sort of vitamin that your weird auntie tells you you should take in order to stop age lines or regrow fingernails or something, but this Lusamine seems to be a nice lady who just wants to innocently "Bring all Pokemon into [her] love".

Was that diabolical laughter that I just heard?

Our schmoozing session was interrupted by an explosion from the lower levels.  Suddenly a portal opened near us and a jellyfish vagina monster emerged.

To Be Continued...

Current Squad:

Brionne/Pako Pako/lvl 25

Crabrawler/Ppunches/lvl 24

Salandit/Sassy Sally/lvl 23

Oricorio/Ori-Chan/lvl 23

Steenee/Bouncee/lvl 24

Sylveon/Sly/lvl 24

On Rotation:

Grimer/Sludj/lvl 24

Misdreavus/Missy/lvl 23

Trumbeak/Pip Pip/lvl 23

Mareanie/Meanie/lvl 24

Pokedex: 112 caught

Pokemon of the Multiverse

Meanwhile, far away in Alola...

Retitled Blog Possibilities: Ben's Spectacular Pokemon Sex Puns

Partially, I am taking my little diversion down memory lane (via Pokemon Y) so that I don't get too far ahead of my little brother in his Pokemon Sun playthrough.  I've always been one step ahead of him from the very beginning: not just by being first "out the puss" as the oldest sibling, but also because I channel Pokemon Trainer Blue in both personality and practice.  I like being able to take-on his Grass/Bug heavy team (because I always end up with a poison team and he always ends up channeling Bug Catcher Tim) and also his Miltank.  He always ends up with a silly and fun pokemon like Miltank.

I'm curious about where he got that one though, because while my pokedex counts 89 registered monsters, I have yet to come across Miltank.

Professor Kukui met me at the "Dimensional Research Center".  He wanted to introduce me to "Scientist Man" who was going to tell me about science and about the fields of science and advancements in science.  I was delighted to find, instead, "Scientist Woman" who was there to tell me about science and etc etc etc.

As it were, "Scientist Woman" is Kukui's wife.  She told me about something called an "Ultra Beast". According to her totally legit, well-researched data that is definitely true maybe, these are creatures that were sealed away by the Island Guardian deities in a separate reality.

Honestly, I'm not super worried about them.  There's a certain someone I know who takes care of Ultra Beasts as his speciality. 

"If the warning light should stop blinking, Ultraman would never rise again"

In pursuit of my grand trial certification with Kahuna Olivia, I made my way south towards the Diglett's Tunnel--not to be confused with Diglett's Cave from Kanto.  I'm not even being sarcastic there: while Diglett's cave was populated entirely with Diglett and Dugtrio, Diglett's Tunnel has only Zubat.

I met some workers from the "Aether Foundation for Misleading Opening Cutscenes" (Editor's Note: the Aether Foundation seems to be the same sinister white troupe from the start of the game).  They mentioned that Team Skull was out and about and that they were riling up the Diglett.

I healed my pokemon--and then I stumbled upon the gang.  I was excited for a 2-on-one-1 double battle, but Hau decided to show up as my partner.  I guess I'll never escape my "friends".

Current Squad:
Brionne/Pako Pako/lvl 23
Crabrawler/Ppunches/lvl 22
Salandit/Sassy Sally/lvl 23
Oricorio/Ori-Chan/lvl 23
Steenee/Bouncee/lvl 23
Sylveon/Sly/lvl 23

On Rotation:
Grimer/Sludj/lvl 22
Misdreavus/Missy/lvl 23
Trumbeak/Pip Pip/lvl 23
Mareanie/Meanie/lvl 21

Pokedex: 98 caught