Vs. ???

Ultra Beasts are supposed to be etherial pokemon from another dimension that find their way in our reality either through accident or deliberate invasion.  No one is exactly sure of what their motivation is, but the guardian deities seem to view them as a threat.

Hau took aside President Lusamine and told me to hold off the "vagina elemental from the other side".  A tall order, but one I was ready for: I've dealt with my fair share of vaginas in my day.

As if it were a totem pokemon, ??? started the match by boosting its defenses with an aura flare.  I sent in Trumbeak and tested it out with the flying move Pluck.  Pluck scored a weak hit and dealt little damage.

Ultra-beasts are supposed to be incomprehensible.  Normally, I would posit that the pokemon is some sort of Rock, Steel, or Electric type because of the ineffectiveness of "flying", but I couldn't be sure of this.  Do Ultra-beasts even follow the same rules as pokemon of this reality?  Is there even such a thing as Steel or Iron in their dimension?  Does the periodic table exist there as it does here? Lusamine mentioned that the pokemon looked as if it were in pain to even exist, however briefly, in this reality.

I had nothing to go on, but when ??? used Venoshock on my Trumbeak (scoring an easy knockout against my lead), I had to start making assumptions about the thing.  It might not be a true "Steel", "Rock", "Electric", or "Poison" type, but it knew poison moves and it resisted "pluck".  I went on the assumption that it was some sort of Steel/Poison, or alternatively put: it behaved in such a way that I should attack it with poison and fire.

Even if it would normally be immune to poisoning, Sassy Sally's ability is Corrosion.  Corrosion allows it to poison any pokemon, regardless of its immunities.  Sassy Sally's move "Smog" wasn't very effective, but it did succeed in poisoning my opponent before eventually being taken out by another Venoshock.

??? had an ability called "Beast Boost".  The ability raised its special defense each time it defeated one of my pokemon.  Attacking it directly was no longer an option.  I was being massacred, but at this point, I knew that I could win.  Meanie and Sludj both know Protect: I could just stall my opponent to death.

It must have sensed that its victory was no longer tenable, so ??? fled from battle at this point, vanishing in a flash and twist of bending and flexing space.


...and Lusamine was licking her lips with joy.

Totally the Good Guys, Definitelymaybe

Kahuna Olivia met me on the doorstep of the sanctum of her god Tapu Lele, the guardian deity of Akala Island.  It would be her rock types against my team of specially chosen rock-destroyers in the company of nature and the supreme ruler of the island.

Battle Team: Bulky Offensive

Vs. Kahuna Olivia

Of the battle itself, there is little to mention:  Ppunches' "Powerup Punches" made short work of her rocky team.

I suppose that I have learned two things: 1) just because the setting of a match is epic, it doesn't mean the battle will follow suit.  And 2) rock types suck suck suck suck suck suck suuuuuuck.

I received Rockium-Z and my Akala Island certification and Olivia sent me on my way.  There is a lot of weird sexualizing of Olivia specifically in this game--from her battle intro to the way she describes her fighting style.  This sort of thing wouldn't normally stick out for me in a game except for the fact that this is a Pokemon game and has a different sort of audience from, say, Tekken.
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I met a chap from the Aether foundation named Fab.  This fellow took Hau and I to the manmade floating island known as Aether Paradise.  This is apparently the main hub of the Aether Foundation--designed to give a safe haven to pokemon who are on the verge of endangerment.  He mentioned a facility there to take care of pokemon attacked by Team Skull and then he talked about a Pokeball design project in the lower levels.  He also mentioned, in a rather offhand way, that they were currently sending out a jamming signal so that our poke balls would not function on the island.

That line sort of stuck out to me.  It was quite the tour and it should have been a more positive sort of tour, but the dread started to sink in as soon as I noticed that this was the exact same facility as that shown at the start.  This means that this game has either already shown its hand and that the Aether Foundation is going to turn out to be the bad guys, or that Lillie, the office supply bandit, will.

At this point, we met the President of the Aether Foundation: Lusamine.  Lusamine sounds like the sort of vitamin that your weird auntie tells you you should take in order to stop age lines or regrow fingernails or something, but this Lusamine seems to be a nice lady who just wants to innocently "Bring all Pokemon into [her] love".

Was that diabolical laughter that I just heard?

Our schmoozing session was interrupted by an explosion from the lower levels.  Suddenly a portal opened near us and a jellyfish vagina monster emerged.

To Be Continued...

Current Squad:

Brionne/Pako Pako/lvl 25

Crabrawler/Ppunches/lvl 24

Salandit/Sassy Sally/lvl 23

Oricorio/Ori-Chan/lvl 23

Steenee/Bouncee/lvl 24

Sylveon/Sly/lvl 24

On Rotation:

Grimer/Sludj/lvl 24

Misdreavus/Missy/lvl 23

Trumbeak/Pip Pip/lvl 23

Mareanie/Meanie/lvl 24

Pokedex: 112 caught

Pokemon of the Multiverse

Meanwhile, far away in Alola...

Retitled Blog Possibilities: Ben's Spectacular Pokemon Sex Puns

Partially, I am taking my little diversion down memory lane (via Pokemon Y) so that I don't get too far ahead of my little brother in his Pokemon Sun playthrough.  I've always been one step ahead of him from the very beginning: not just by being first "out the puss" as the oldest sibling, but also because I channel Pokemon Trainer Blue in both personality and practice.  I like being able to take-on his Grass/Bug heavy team (because I always end up with a poison team and he always ends up channeling Bug Catcher Tim) and also his Miltank.  He always ends up with a silly and fun pokemon like Miltank.

I'm curious about where he got that one though, because while my pokedex counts 89 registered monsters, I have yet to come across Miltank.

Professor Kukui met me at the "Dimensional Research Center".  He wanted to introduce me to "Scientist Man" who was going to tell me about science and about the fields of science and advancements in science.  I was delighted to find, instead, "Scientist Woman" who was there to tell me about science and etc etc etc.

As it were, "Scientist Woman" is Kukui's wife.  She told me about something called an "Ultra Beast". According to her totally legit, well-researched data that is definitely true maybe, these are creatures that were sealed away by the Island Guardian deities in a separate reality.

Honestly, I'm not super worried about them.  There's a certain someone I know who takes care of Ultra Beasts as his speciality. 

"If the warning light should stop blinking, Ultraman would never rise again"

In pursuit of my grand trial certification with Kahuna Olivia, I made my way south towards the Diglett's Tunnel--not to be confused with Diglett's Cave from Kanto.  I'm not even being sarcastic there: while Diglett's cave was populated entirely with Diglett and Dugtrio, Diglett's Tunnel has only Zubat.

I met some workers from the "Aether Foundation for Misleading Opening Cutscenes" (Editor's Note: the Aether Foundation seems to be the same sinister white troupe from the start of the game).  They mentioned that Team Skull was out and about and that they were riling up the Diglett.

I healed my pokemon--and then I stumbled upon the gang.  I was excited for a 2-on-one-1 double battle, but Hau decided to show up as my partner.  I guess I'll never escape my "friends".

Current Squad:
Brionne/Pako Pako/lvl 23
Crabrawler/Ppunches/lvl 22
Salandit/Sassy Sally/lvl 23
Oricorio/Ori-Chan/lvl 23
Steenee/Bouncee/lvl 23
Sylveon/Sly/lvl 23

On Rotation:
Grimer/Sludj/lvl 22
Misdreavus/Missy/lvl 23
Trumbeak/Pip Pip/lvl 23
Mareanie/Meanie/lvl 21

Pokedex: 98 caught