The Saddest Kahuna

Immediately after defeating Guzma (and washing my panties from Primarina's evolution), I was approached by the saddest police officer in the world.  I was sure that I had met him previously (after all, who could forget such a loathsome "slouch-elemental"), but I couldn't remember from where.  He introduced himself as Nanu, the police officer of Po Town.  Obviously, he's not that great at his job.  I can see why he acts so jaded and demoralized given how out of sorts the neighborhood is, but honestly he was even more of a buzzkill that the existential awakening that I had received by my trip to Po Town.

Wait, that's not true, he didn't introduce himself.  Acerola actually popped up out of the godamn ether to say some bullshit like "oh, if it isn't Nanu, my uncle, and the police officer of Po Town".

Please.

So I followed Acerola and apparently Acerola's uncle back to the Aether Outpost we had started from, but when we got there, Lillie was missing.  Via flashback, it was revealed that Plumeria had stormed the facility and kidnapped Lillie and her pokemon Cosmog without any resistance.  

I mean, Hau was there, but he's a useless piece of garbage.  He even admitted that he was too scared to intervene and that Lillie had resultantly decided to just go with them.  Do I have to do everything?

Gladion popped his angry little head in and attacked me in his rage...well, he attacked my pokemon...with his own pokemon...basically he battled me.

This time, he carried Type: Null, Golbat, and Sneasel: the perfect lineup for an angry kid.  The fact that two of those evolve due to friendship miiiiight be meaningful to the plot, but who cares, pokemon!!!

Gladion apologized for attacking and told us that we had to follow them and save Lillie (young love, so adorable).  Apparently, they would have taken her, not to Po Town, but to the Aether Paradise.

DUN DUN DUN!!

I mean, I guess that if all the foreshadowing hadn't given it away, all the vague maniacal laughter would have eventually.  It's not usually the good guys who threateningly smirk and promise to "bring all into their love".

As I made my way to the docks, Nanu approached me, said he was the Kahuna, and said that it was time to battle or whatever.

hahaha okay...?!

Battle Team G-3: The Ones I Had With Me at the Time

Vs. Kahuna Nanu, apparently

The battle itself was actually quite difficult.  I'm glad that he had set upon me so suddenly, because I may not have been able to win with only four pokemon.

Well, maybe I wouldn't go that far...

He led with Sableye.  Sableye is a Ghost/Dark type pokemon and I had already taken a Ghost trial, so I knew that a Dark Trial must be the theme for my third Grand Trial.  Then again, Nanu was just the kind of lazy Kahuna that miiiight say "screw it" and use whatever he had with him at the time.

I was able to damage his Sableye, but I have a history with Sableye and I know how bulky they can be.  This particular Sableye was no exception and it was able to wear down my Electabuzz.  Sable switched out for Krokorock (thank god you aren't Krookodile).  Yeah, dark type.

I predicted his ground move (earthquake) and switched in Trumbeak to avoid it.  It ended up mattering little because Krokorock punished my pokemon with Swagger and then Crunch.

It was Primarina's turn and I decided to take the opportunity to ensure a KO.  Krokorock went first, but Pako Pako is tough enough to survive anything (once) and retaliated with Z-Oceanic Operetta.

Primarina fell to Sableye (that Fakeout and its priority) and so did Sassy Sally.  Ultimately it fell to Sylveon to sweep the rest of his team, which included a Persian whose damage was completely neutralized by Sailor Star Fighter's fairy-type healing move "Draining Kiss".

2-0 Victory!

Totally the Good Guys, Definitelymaybe

Kahuna Olivia met me on the doorstep of the sanctum of her god Tapu Lele, the guardian deity of Akala Island.  It would be her rock types against my team of specially chosen rock-destroyers in the company of nature and the supreme ruler of the island.

Battle Team: Bulky Offensive

Vs. Kahuna Olivia

Of the battle itself, there is little to mention:  Ppunches' "Powerup Punches" made short work of her rocky team.

I suppose that I have learned two things: 1) just because the setting of a match is epic, it doesn't mean the battle will follow suit.  And 2) rock types suck suck suck suck suck suck suuuuuuck.

I received Rockium-Z and my Akala Island certification and Olivia sent me on my way.  There is a lot of weird sexualizing of Olivia specifically in this game--from her battle intro to the way she describes her fighting style.  This sort of thing wouldn't normally stick out for me in a game except for the fact that this is a Pokemon game and has a different sort of audience from, say, Tekken.
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I met a chap from the Aether foundation named Fab.  This fellow took Hau and I to the manmade floating island known as Aether Paradise.  This is apparently the main hub of the Aether Foundation--designed to give a safe haven to pokemon who are on the verge of endangerment.  He mentioned a facility there to take care of pokemon attacked by Team Skull and then he talked about a Pokeball design project in the lower levels.  He also mentioned, in a rather offhand way, that they were currently sending out a jamming signal so that our poke balls would not function on the island.

That line sort of stuck out to me.  It was quite the tour and it should have been a more positive sort of tour, but the dread started to sink in as soon as I noticed that this was the exact same facility as that shown at the start.  This means that this game has either already shown its hand and that the Aether Foundation is going to turn out to be the bad guys, or that Lillie, the office supply bandit, will.

At this point, we met the President of the Aether Foundation: Lusamine.  Lusamine sounds like the sort of vitamin that your weird auntie tells you you should take in order to stop age lines or regrow fingernails or something, but this Lusamine seems to be a nice lady who just wants to innocently "Bring all Pokemon into [her] love".

Was that diabolical laughter that I just heard?

Our schmoozing session was interrupted by an explosion from the lower levels.  Suddenly a portal opened near us and a jellyfish vagina monster emerged.

To Be Continued...

Current Squad:

Brionne/Pako Pako/lvl 25

Crabrawler/Ppunches/lvl 24

Salandit/Sassy Sally/lvl 23

Oricorio/Ori-Chan/lvl 23

Steenee/Bouncee/lvl 24

Sylveon/Sly/lvl 24

On Rotation:

Grimer/Sludj/lvl 24

Misdreavus/Missy/lvl 23

Trumbeak/Pip Pip/lvl 23

Mareanie/Meanie/lvl 24

Pokedex: 112 caught

Vs. Kahuna Hala

Prepared with the knowledge that I would be battling a Fighting Pokemon master, I assembled my most reliable squamates for the task.

Battle Team 2: The Fighting Frenzies

Vs. Kahuna Hala

...and apparently I also brought Slowpoke along for some reason.

I was unsure of whether or not the team I had selected would be over or under leveled.  I prefer to keep the game on the challenging side, so I didn’t want to take in, for example, my level 17 Oricorio with Air Cutter.  Or-chan is a little bit too strong for what I anticipated the Kahuna’s pokemon would be—somewhere in the 16-17 range.

I approached him back at Route 1 on the Melemele outskirts.  As a matter of fact, our battle arena was the very same stage where I had fought his grandson Hau and his Litten at the festival of our Lord and Savior the Kamen Rider Space blah blah Tapu Koko.  Indeed, it was the very stage where I had met and befriended Pako Pako.

With a weird sort of nostalgia coursing through my thoughts, I started the match.

Trumbeak vs. Mankey is the sort of battle that normally wouldn’t get even a footnote in any battling tactics analysis.  Even if Mankey is the same level as Trumbeak, level 14 in this case, it just plain can’t compete.  Trumbeak took one hard Karate Chop critical hit, but held on to defeat both Mankey and Hala’s second Pokemon Makuhita.

The Makuhita was able to weaken my lead, Pip Pip, to identically 1 HP, but Kahuna Hala now only had one pokemon left compared to my five remaining healthy switch-ins.  For the future, I need to remember to only bring in three pokemon per gym match to make it a fairer fight.

His third pokemon was a Crabrawler.  It knew the Fighting Z-Move “All Out Pummeling”.  Unfortunately for the Kahuna, Crabrawler wasted this move immediately against my 1 HP Trumbeak in the most spectacular sort of overkill that I have ever seen.  The animation for this move is insane and over the top and to see it strip off exactly one point of health made me make a ridiculous squeaking noise.

After I lost Trumbeak, I sent in Pokey for an admittedly boring exchange of Yawns and Confusions.  I won the match four turns later.