Climbing the Underground Space Castle

As I started my journey up the tower to the obvious final boss stage to fight "N" and his giant space pigeon Reshiram, I came across the six sages.  Each one of these stepped forward and told me a useful or not-so-useful life tip: "All mistakes that are not prepared for are other mistakes," "Wisdom is the forsight of knowledge," "An apple a day makes the world go blind,"...

What a dumb game, I can't be the only one who thinks that this is just stupid, right? Right?...guys?...

I thought this would be a six-versus-one battle (which would have been fun), but I was surprised when I got instead a cutscene: all eight gymleaders showed-up to back me up.  Full disclosure: this was pretty cool--which is weird because everything else in the past hour of playing time has sucked.

It turns out that Team Plasma's big plan has always been to sabotage the PC system to release all of the trainers' pokemon.  *INSERT SLOW CLAP FOR GENUINELY CLEVER PLAN*.  My only question is why they needed the Dragonite skull from the museum at the start of the game--or all of those pep rallies--or the underground space castle build next to the pokemon league.  Surely this is the sort of plan that should be executed "Ocean's Eleven" style (with a cool Frank Sinatra tune playing in the background)?  I am very disappointed in Nintendo for not casting George Clooney as "N" and Brad Pitt as "Ghestis".

Here are things I found on the way to the top:

CREEEEEEEPY

-N's creepy ass pedophilia room -->
-A pokemon storage PC
-A pokemon center

This is clearly the worst evil lair ever.  Ghestis even cheered me on!  He wished me luck!  Who the hell writes these characters, this incessant coddling is too much!

As I made it to the top, N called for his "Hyper-Pigeon" Reshiram to battle me--Reshiram broke through the wall to get in, which must end-up costing Team Plasma a lot of money in the long run on renovations, and Zekrom appeared out of the orb I was carrying.  Okay game, I see where you are going with this.

I fought Zekrom, but apparently killing him doesn't do anything and you are REQUIRED to catch him. UGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH, FIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNE!

Oh, by the way, I got rid of that dumb Psychic type since he was only good at sucking and dying.  Picked-up Rufflet from the PC.


Current Squad:

Reshiram

As soon as I left the building, I was met by the namby-pamby squad of Cheren and Bianca who went on about...something or other...I don't really pay attention to what they say anymore. Anyways, Gymleader Bryce decided to join us where he pointed out that there were ninjas hiding behind our backs...no clue how we didn't notice this without his help...

I had seen these ninjas before--they're N's personal guard and they call themselves the shadow triad--why are they called the shadow triad? Why, because they lack subtlety of course!

They told me to meet N at Dragonspiral Tower, which has now been hyped-up more than Y2K, and I gladly obliged.


Dragonspiral Tower is a fairly boring ruin which is populated entirely by two things: pokemon called Golette (which I caught) and Team Plasma. After battling twenty-something of the goons and reaching the top without breaking a sweat, I found N at the top with what must have been the most gigantic pigeon in the universe--which he revealed to be the legendary pokemon Reshiram whose only rival, apparently, is a pokemon called Zekrom, the yang to his yin.

Right before N flew away upon the back of Reshiram, he told me that I should definitely awaken the second apocalyptic legendary pokemon, Zekrom. Now let me get one thing straight--it is never a good idea to awaken a pokemon whose last appearance caused the world to be destroyed in a flash of hellfire--and this is a fact that I just assumed everyone else agreed with me on. But as soon as I met up with Alder, Bryce, the pimp of the year, and the namby-pamby squad, they seemed to be under the impression that it was a good idea to listen to the bad guys and awaken the god of destruction.

Regardless of whether or not a ten-year-old boy had the ability to control a being from beyond time and space whose every movement causes ripples through reality and drive people in futures for decades to come insane, I just thought that it was never a good idea to play right into the plans of the bad guys.

However, this is a pokemon game and it looks like its time for the whole Team Plasma ordeal to be taken care of, so its off to Relic Castle!

Current Squad:

Where the Legendaries At?

When you stop playing your game for a while and then pick it back up you tend to lose track of what you were just doing...I remember that there was something about a bunch of hippies and that my rivals were a bunch of cotton-headed ninny-mugginses and something else about the end of the world but it was all a bit hazy to me until I reread parts of my blog.

Turns out the last time I saved before my battery died was exactly in the middle of "Hazy Maze Cave" (Twist mountain) and escaping from this labyrinthine mess may have been the biggest challenge since the battle for my Volt Badge. What's more is the newly snowy weather blocked the entrances of the few caverns I DID remember, thereby changing the maze...I wonder if this game is deliberately messing with me... I picked up Cryogonal, Stunfisk, Mienfoo, Drillbur, and Beartic...then I immediately released Cryogonal because its just a useless snowflake...and in the end, it all turned up rosy because Pignite evolved into Emboar (who now has some serious stopping power)!

After finally arriving in Icirrus City (and meeting the coolest character in the game--a former member of Team Rocket!), I was greeted by the pimp I met from Mistralton City. He asked me if I had ever heard of the Dragonspiral Tower--I had not, but I had the feeling that I was about to be told in excruciating detail, so I made some popcorn for the stunning revelation:

Dragonspiral Tower is where the legendary pokemon "Reshiram" lives...and apparently that is supposed to mean something to me because everyone in the town has something to say to add to the puzzle--including a story about two brothers who couldn't ever agree that lived a million-billion years ago and Reshiram and an apocalypse.

Then the Pimp said something interesting--he seemed to suggest that all legendary pokemon come from this tower--like it is a legendary pokemon making-factory--which must mean that the tower is filled completely with 3rd graders who like drawing overly serious and powerful pokemon.

See, I have the feeling that preteens are the only people who like legendaries because they think that its cool to be infinitely powerful rather than infinitely clever. Take Darkrai for example.  He looks just like how the kids dress themselves these days.  And Giratina? There is way too much going on with that picture. Somebody picked up their notebook in study-hall and started drawing him and just never stopped drawing...

So, I know what has to be done--in order to stop even more lame legendary pokemon from entering the world--I will journey to Dragonspiral Tower...and destroy it...It is my destiny.

Current Squad: