Pokemon Go Go Go!

Whelp, since it’s the “year of Pokemon”, I really haven’t had the time to sit down and write one of these.  I suppose that you could make an educated hypothesis about why.  I’m not sure if it’s ironic or just plain sad that I have been too busy playing pokemon to write about pokemon; I put the entirety of the blame over this confusion on you, Alanis Morissette.

But now isn’t the time to be glib: now is the time for catchup.  Since Pokemon Go came out, I’ve found myself walking everywhere.  I am concerned that you don’t have the proper capability of envisioning exactly how much this means.  The game points out that I have logged 619.45 km of activity (Editor's Note: by the time this was published, that number became 629.10).  This is nearly the distance between Boston and Washington D.C.  People ask me how my pokemon are so powerful—and how it is that I can be level 31 already after starting the game a week after them.  My response is to lift up my pant-leg and show my calves.  I believe at this point, I can measure the growth of my legs in “CP”.  Considering my 3010 CP Dragonite, I believe my legs have to be proportionately powerful.

I postulated upon the release of this game that by the end of the summer, one would be able to find the pokemon fans by how ripped and strong they will have been.  I love being right.

I’m currently working on training up my Charizard and my Venusaur.  I only level-up the ones with nearly perfect IV’s and good movesets.  At least partly, this is because I’m an insufferable prick who worries too much about the fine details, but it is satisfying to me to know that my Dragonite, my Poliwrath, my Venusaur, and my Charizard are better than most by as much as 20%.  This is what makes me a Pokemon “master" and others Pokemon “trainers”.

...or "Pokemon scrubs" (I'm looking at you lot, Vaporeon trainers).