Pokemon Redesign Corner: Samurott

Aaaaand welcome to a new category of blog post! Pokemon Designs  are something that I have long discussed with others as a minor hobby of mine. Almost immediately when I got into sci fi and horror, I started drawing my own monsters. When pokemon came along, it was just obvious that I would start designing my own characters. After all, the difference between designing a foe for Godzilla and a foe for Ash Ketchum is really only one of scale--Godzilla simply can't fit in one's pocket.

I will never profess to being a good artist.  I have years of experience with colouring outside of the lines like an idiot, fingerpainting like an idiot, I have explored, extensively, the inexplicably untapped artistic medium of "number 2 mechanical pencil on lined college ruled schoolpaper" (why artists have failed to see the merits in utilizing such a medium is truly beyond my comprehension).

I merely wish to offer my own ideas about pokemon designs--and in some cases, how those designs may be improved. Note that this is a purely subjective undertaking meant as an exercise purely for myself and that by continuing, you are consenting to my subjective beliefs. I truly, sincerely, apologize if I have an issue with one of your favorite pokemon. Nobody should feel bad about liking things that they like and your views are totally valid as well!

Redesign Number 1: Samurott

So gen 5 fucking sucks, right? Like not just in terms of writing. Not just in terms of battle speed. Not just in terms of overworld design. Not just in terms of the insane number of button presses it takes to JUST GET TO THE GOD-DAMNED START SCREEN, FUCKING ASS CRACKERS.

*ahem*

The pokemon also suck. Don't @me.

Let's start our redesign adventure with Samurott.

Samurott is particularly frustrating for me because it is the first water starter that I just did not like at all. This is bothersome because I always had chosen water as my starter in every game up until Black Version and I had always felt that, "yeah, I think I made the best choice again". Like don't get me wrong, I love Venusaur and Sceptile and...Blaziken (I guess?), but gen 5 was the first time that I looked at the water pokemon and decided that it was the lamest of the three. And Gen 5 had Emboar, so that's saying something.

The problem I am having right now is that there REALLY isn't anything that I can point to that is specifically wrong about this design.  Like...with Emboar, I can say that it looks like someone put too many streamers on the beer keg and then barfed colour obnoxiously all over it. With Giratina, I can say that the problem is that somebody started designing it and then never stopped. The problems with Samurott are a little less surface-level.

Samurott's issues come down to two sources:

1) Samurott doesn't look anything like its previous evolutions.

Oshawott and Dewott are Otters and Samurott is a Sea Lion. I could honestly just stop there about why this is such a big fucking problem. Samurott simply does not look like something that Dewott would progress towards. As a matter of fact, Samurott seems like a step backwards. Dewott has the look of a cool, collected biped who could use its agility to wield its cutting tools. Its signature move is Razor Shell and you could actually imagine it using that shell to slice up its foes. Its body is lithe and streamlined for both aquatic and terrestrial combat. Samurott, on the other hand,  looks like it has some major problems with being on land and the departure from its otter-like origins partly causes that.

I know that there are other cases of pokemon whose evolutions show a gradual or even a stark contrast from their pre-evolved formes, but these are few and far between. Blastoise may be classified as the "shellfish" pokemon, but its design is still that of a turtle. Indeed, most of the pokemon whose designs stray too far from that of their preevolutions will likely be featured in their own "Pokemon Redesign" posts here somewhere down the line.

I started mentioning, earlier, that Samurott doesn't look like it could handle a fight on land. This leads me to the second and most damning thing about Samurott's design...

2) Samurott doesn't look like it can actually do what its pokedex entries say that it does.

Clears throat, "In the time it takes a foe to blink, it can draw and sheathe the seamitars attached to its front legs."

Are you sure about that? Because as a quadruped, that would likely just cause it to fall over.

It bothers me that this is incongruous. It is a classic case of "say, don't show" and I have always been of the mind that the design of a pokemon should reflect its strengths and behavior.  If Samurott tries to unsheath one of the seamitars on its front legs, then it will be unbalanced and it would fall over.

If the back legs of an organism are as long as the forelegs, then it will cause the organism to pitch forward if it is a quadruped. Of course I am simplifying things greatly as it also depends upon where the femur sockets into the hip and how the spine is situated, but it is a good starting point and Samurott is mechanically unbalanced if it tries to use its forelegs as grasping arms.

Furthermore, if Samurott DOES manage to wield one of its seamitars, it can only do so one arm at a time since the other arm needs to be holding its torso up. The center of mass of this organism does not support it being able to fight in the way described by the pokedex entry.

Now, I have seen artwork of this pokemon as a biped, wielding both of its seamitars with both of its arms and it looks very cool and I can finally see what the designers were going for, but all of this artwork is fan art. In every official depiction of the pokemon that I have seen, Samurott is an unfortunate quadruped. That is simply disappointing.

_______________
In my redesign of the organism, I would portray it as a sleek biped with otter-like features. This design retains AND EMPHASIZES the Samurai-like features that are described in the pokedex whilst finally offering a depiction that actually could be a swordsman.  It is a simple fix that would make all the difference.

The Darkest Day

The finals are mow at an end and the last one standing has earned the right to battle Leon.

Hop met me in the locker rooms  beforehand and wished me luck. I walked onto the pitch, ready for the grand finale. It is the same group as what I used in the previous round: Cheeto, Trash, Snorkle, Eurypyro, Kituguma, and MmeTrunks. I know that his Charizard is going to be the one to Dynamax, so I should have Drednaw ready to tske on that role for me. Although, Kitiguma might give us an early lead if I find the opportunity...

Just as we were about to begin, Leon and I were interrupted.

Chairman Rose appeared on the screen and announced that he was unleashing all the Dynamax energy that is company has been collecting. His aim is to block out the sun and bring about "The Darkest Day" in order to save Galar's Future.

I have absolutely no clue how this makes sense.

With the end of the world potentially at hand, Hop and I decided to try to do something. Noting the connection between the Darkest Day and how we started our journey, Hop suggested that we go home to scope out that mysterious pokemon that we encountered in the fog.

Hop and I returned to the Slumbering Weald to seek out this Sword and Shield Pokemon that we saw on the game's box art.

Taken just before I failed to catch a Raid Charizard

Sonya met us there and informed us that the pokemon in question were named Zacian and Zamazenta because the creators of this game were losing at scrabble and needed high point words. Hop was very sure that the two of us could awaken them by finding the original sword and shield that the two pokemon used.

We stumbled out of the fog and into a magical clearing straight out of The Legend of Zelda. Here would surely be Master Sword. Or, in this case, a rusted shield for me and a rusted sword for Hop.

With the mcguffins in hand, Hop and I set off to confront Chairman Rose in the Dulynamax Powerplant in Hammerlocke City.

All the Way to the Top

The final altercation has seemingly escaped us again, because after storming Rose Tower, battling all of the henchmen, and defeating Chairman Rose's aide in battle at the top of the skyscraper, Chairman Rose just let Leon go.  He didn't even monologue at us or anything.

Like, come on Sword/Shield. I know that the emphasis is the gym challenge this time around and you do a great job with that,  but you can't keep shoving the story back into the closet like this: we are at the end of the game and we only know that there is *something* going on with dynamax and that Chairman Rose is at the center of it and TWOHEROSDARKESTDAYSWORDPOKEMONENERGYCRISISDYNAMAXDARKESTDAY.
____________
The final test to see who should get the right to face off against Leon involves battling the gymleaders again in a tournament. However, against expectations, Bede arrived on the battle pitch to challenge me to a fight. Given his uniform and his new title as "Gymleader Bede", he seems to be doing well for himself now.

He unleashed an all out Fairy-typed assault on me. I was glad to have brought Mme.Trunks to overpower him with Sheer Force.

My first official finals battle was against Nessa and her water types. She told me that I would never battle the Champion because she would defeat me on the spot. Ultimately, her Golisopod, Barraskewda, Seaking,  Pelipper, and G-Drednaw were no match for Cheeto's power and Trash's ruthlessness.

My second match was against Allister the ghost trainer. I lead with Chirpy to scout and U Turn. His Dusknoir was tough, but Snorkle took care of it handily. Following this, I had Drednaw Dynamax in order to gain momentum against his next pokemon: polteageist and Chandelure. I came out of it with a burned turtle, but a clear lead.  His next pokemon was Cursola and his final was G-Gengar. Cheeto was able to barely hold on against Max Ooze in order to lower Gengar's speed with Drum Beating enough so that Trash would easily stall and then outrun it with Obstruct and then Night Slash.

The final match would be against Rihain again. I look forward to regaining my pride after our last match. I placed Cheeto in my second slot next to Chirpy just in case we would be doing another Doubles match.

This concern was for nothing as he battled me one-on-one. Against his Turtle Torkoal, I used my own, Snorkle. This ended up being the wrong choice as he uncorked a one-turn solarbeam on me. Trash was able to clean him out for me, but now I was fighting from a deficit.

I guess this one is going to be another tight match.

His Turtonator was playing coy with Shell trap, so I took a turn to revive Snorkle and send him back in. I dynamaxed him on a whim and used Max Rock to deal damage and to boost my own special defenses as a rock type in the sandstorm. Turtonator used sunny day, so I reset the weather the next turn with another Max Rockfall.

I have one Dynamax turn left and it is against Goodra. If I go for the sure Ice type  KO with Max Hailstorm, then the sandstorm will be replaced with hailing weather, but if I use Max Darkness, the KO isn't assured...I decide to play it safe and use the rock move...

Which turns out to be the wrong choice as Goodra uses Rain dance anyways. Snorkle shrinks back down to normal size and nets a KO with Ice Fang. Now I'm back ahead again. Plus, all in all, Rain would benefit me as well. Rain will at least boost the damage of my move Liquidation.

Which is SIMILARLY moot because his Flygon uses Sandstorm the next turn. WHAT THE HELL, MAN?!

His last pokemon is Duraludon. There is no way that I am going to take it out before it boosts up with Dynamax moves, so my goal here is to lower its speed enough with Cheeto's Drum Beating so that Bewear could KO with Hammer Arm.

The strategy plays out without a hitch.

Vs. Oleana

I led with Chirpy and decide to take out her Frosslass with Steel moves. I sure don't like that burn, but Chirpy is able to take her out. The next pokemon is Salazzle. Salazzle is a mismatch for me, so I decide to Uturn out of there and WAIT I FORGOT HOW FAST SALAZZLE IS.

Because of my error in judgement, Chirpy takes a huge chunk of damage as I swap in Snorkle. I am able to sneak away with the KO without losing Chirpy, but it didappoints me to leave damage on the table like that.

Tsareena is another mismatch, so I waste a turn swapping in Centiscorch. I made another mistake here because it gets an Atk drop from Tsareena's trop kick and then gets messed up a bit by acrobatics.

I'm really off my game now.

Apparently, Centiscorch and Tsareena have a speed tie, so Centiscorch sneaks in one more Flame Wheel. Cheeto is able to finish off Tsareena and then Milotic with ease.

Her final pokemon is Garbodor. It promptly Gigantimaxes into a nightmare out of toy story. I decide to lower its speed with Drum Beating.

This was a third mistake. Garbodor's ability if Weak armour, so it comes out of the turn with -1Def, +1Speed.

I want to get snorkle in there to take advantage of the sandstorm, so I decide to have Cheeto Uturn out as Garbodor uses its G move.

Finally U have chosen correctly. Cheeto holds on and Snorkle gets in safely.

Dynamax: Max Darkness. Clean KO.

The Missing Champion

With the Tournament completed, it is time to move on to the final chapter. Leon l, Hop, and I are set to gonout ajd celebrate my victories.

However, Leon is missing--and Hop is getting worried about it. Piers the Gymleader has agreed to help us find him and is coordinating Team Yell to gather intel by causing a ruckus.  The chairman's assistant Oleanna is keeping us from him for some reason. I think that this makes them the bad guys.

I suppose it is time for the plot to start happening again.

Team Yell causes enough of a distraction to get Hop and I to Rose Tower. The music began to swell up as Hop and I ascended, battling off s3curity personnel along the way, together.

Honestly, this was one of the coolest moments of the game. Most of the reason for this is because of the way I view Hop. My real life little brother sometimes reminds me of him and I was considering what it would be like to have a team up with him like this. He and I with the hero music playing, ascending Rose Tower and taking on the world? That is a situation that is sure to get you pumped.

Oleana waited for us at the top.

Finals: Vs. Hop

And here we are at the final match. I thought back to the first battle I had--when I first met Cheeto: he was able to defeat Hop's Wooloo and Sobble handily. All he knew how to do was Branch Poke. Now he knows the grass move "Drum Beating"...look at how far he has come now...

I led with MmeTrunks against Hop's Dubwool. Dubwool would be faster than me no matter what, so I decided to use Revenge to double the damage in return. MmeTrunks is able to gain two consecutive knockouts when Hop replaces Dubwool with Snorlax. I could count on her to gain us an early advantage. Hop sends in his third pokemon...

What the fuck it that? No seriously, it's definitely a sea urchin, but what is that? Does it evolve  from Pyukumuku? Is it something new entirely? Well it isn't taking much damage from Iron Head, so it must be a water type...

And then it uses Thunderbolt, so I'm very confused now.

I use the next few turns to exchange positions with Uturn. Cheeto and Corviknight form a solid duo at this due to their complinentary coverage. Chirpy sure looks strong these days! I'm glad that I brought him back to use against the Fairy Gymleader and I'm glad that he is still here supporting Cheeto and the rest.

Bewear wears down Corviknight with Baby Doll Eyes and Pain Split until it is safe to Hammer Arm it out of existence. Kitiguma is so strong now. I remember how quickly it improved after it evolved. I used to bring Stuffy around when I had no other perceivable options. I can still count on it now as well.

His final pokemon is Intelleon. Even though it is dynamaxed, Trash is able to come in and chunk its health down to critical levels. Retaliate is just that good and I have always been able to count on Trash, specifically, to serve revenge.

It is now Cheeto vs Intelleon: the battle of rivals once more. I see them, briefly, out of the corner of my eyes as they were before: a playful Grookey and a timid Sobble. Grookey turns back and gives me a determined look. I blink and the vision is gone. The smile I have still remains and Cheeto understands why I am smiling.

He plays us off to victory with his Drums. It has truly been a great journey.

Semifinals: Vs. Marnie

After learning the true usefulness of Dynamax from Rihain in my battle with him, I was ready to apply my knowledge right away.

My first match of the semifinals would be against Marnie. In previous battles with her, I would play out the match too long, but on this occasion, it was time for Hyper Offense.

Time to steal the entire tournament on turn one: Dynamax.

I turn my pink teddy bear into a giant pink teddy bear immediately and have him start firing off Sky Fists. Because Bewear is a monster and her lead pokemon is a dark type, I am able to coast to +3 Attack power (x2.5 of my base stat) in three turns. Because of the boosted power of the dynamax moves, the KOs were given and because of the increasing base stat power, Kitiguma was even able to even steal the One Hit Knock Out against Marnie's Toxicroak on Turn 4 even though Toxicroak resists Fighting moves. Bewear just could not be stopped, even after its dynamax turns were over.

If you have to win in a one-sided match, then it really must be as spectacular as this all out blitz.

On to the Finals.